December 8th, 2009

anyone can make what i have built.

I haven’t written in ages, and I’m sorry. Sorry I let this journal accumulate dust, because really, I do love it, and I do love updating it. I suppose I just got caught up in catching up – and I’ve had pretty big mock exams, too. Not that anyone reads this shit anyway, but it’s nice to have a release and to know there’s a possibility of someone other than Billy or Lana or Ashlyn knowing my thoughts.

In other news, I am now addicted to cigarettes and screenwriting, both of which are incredibly expensive, time-consuming, lead nowhere but they’re also two things I’m good at and that I enjoy. Disgustingly. I get ratty when I haven’t had nicotine running through me, and my fingertips don’t smell great. And I have a throat like a seventy year old’s vagina, but when you’re hanging halfway out of your window on a freezing December midnight listening to nothing but the sound of silence and the day sleeping over the horizon – that, that is a great feeling. It makes it feel en vogue to be a teenager. It makes it feel a la mode.

It’s one of those smaller things in life that makes a day slightly more eventful, or a little more eclectic. Which is sad, but I’ll get over it in time.

I cancelled Cowboys. Life got in the way.

Did I mention? Well, I’ve hated my cousin forever now but I never really spilled to anyone what the problem really was. He abused me when I was a child, from the ages of around four or five to about nine or ten. He’s been arrested and questioned for that and there’s an ongoing investigation.

Since the last time I wrote on here, I’ve tried weed, made friends with Nathan and started on three other new projects. Whatever I’m in the mood for, you know?

One thing that hasn’t changed: I’m still very much dreaming my life away.